I've been trying to work on my thesis for over 1 semester or just around 5 months. At this point I feel like I should give up and forget about the whole thing. I'm tired, achey and kind of out of it. I've had espresso and still can't shake the fatigue. I want to ignore all of that, and crunch down on my thesis work because I love what I want to do and want nothing more than to focus on it.
But I can't; my body isn't letting and the Fibro is winning. I don't want it to win.
Do I take my own advice and get rest? I'm not even sure I have the choice, but I want so badly to pretend I don't have this condition. I want the time back that I've lost. I want the memories back I can't seem to find. I want my masters without risking my health. I feel like I've been robbed of so much and I want so badly to have it all back.
Trying to find the strength to go on is half the battle for me and its made writing my thesis twice as complicated as I thought it would it be. I don't know if I'll finish. I hope that I can and I hope that will be enough to keep me going.
For tonight, I'm going to sink into my bed and try to sleep the pain away.
