Eating Well, Living Well

A Period of Adjustment

The first year of my diagnosis was weird. I don't know how else to describe it.  I went through a lot of basic adjustment, trying to get a grip on my health, to gain a new understanding of my body, and to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do next.  Prescriptions were the first thing that came along with the diagnosis. I remember being prescribed Tramadol for the pain; I can hear the jokes I used to make with a then friend of mine, "Take two and call me in the morning." I can laugh at it now, not that I didn't then, but after a while two didn't really cut it and it really wasn't funny anymore.

As many women do, I experienced a lot of body issues growing up; I was athletic (I played soccer and lacrosse in middle school and my freshman year of high school, and was a member of the women's lacrosse club in college), but not enough to have really sculpted muscles.  I'm on the short side, and have the frame for an athlete, but not enough drive for it to be a huge part of daily schedule (I'll talk about exercise in another post, because I, of course, have my two cents on it and it may surprise you). I never thought of myself as thin, just healthy, and that was all I really wanted: to look and feel healthy. When I the pain started, I found it difficult to move, to get out of bed, and just live. When I started on the prescription pain killers, it helped enough to get me to my job and to my parent's house, and occasionally to the grocery store for food and to cook for myself. In all honesty, I didn't really feel like it though. I found myself gaining weight here and there, whereas the year before I was eating healthy and going to the gym for a little cardio and strength training.

The more pain I was in, the more I stopped going to the gym and the more comfort food I let myself have.  Eventually, the pain medication I had was not enough, and I would increase my dosage (bad girl!). The combination of all these things lead to more weight, which lead to more pain- it's a cycle really, and it was trap I fell into.  The healthy image I wanted for myself was slipping away, and in 2008 it became worse.

I had started a new job, which ended up being really stressful, so of course my pain levels increased and my then prescription did little to alleviate. With my new job came a lot of time in the car and the need for excessive energy (it was a marketing job- I had to be a peppy little cheerleader for 90% of my day).  Since I was on the road a lot and needed "extra energy" (that's almost funny now too), I would down large amounts of energy drinks, and stop for a quick bite to eat at the nearest fast food joint- usually some place I could get a fully loaded cheeseburger. I even saw a new doctor to treat my pain, who put me a drug cocktail of Lyrica, Abilify, and Lexapro. I'm sure that combination works for some people, but for me, I found myself lethargic, my digestive track was messed up, and was almost unable to drive (not what you want when you are in marketing). To combat this, I chugged more energy drinks, switching to sugar free thinking it would be "better" for me. Ha! In one month, I gained 40 lbs and felt no better than I had before. I was told there was a period of adjustment, and everything would level out, and blahblahblah.  After almost three months, I had to stop. It wasn't working, I was miserable, felt unhealthy, and the cost of buying my meds was like lighting dynamite to my bank account. I couldn't afford any of the costs- financial or health. Beyond my physical discomfort from the weight gain, I started to feel like the inside of my body was a toxic dumping ground.
I had been prescribed physical therapy too, but at $100 a session (for 10 sessions), of which my insurance did not cover a dime, I just couldn't do it. I decided my money would be better spent at the gym with a personal trainer (and I will tell this story in another post, because it too is lengthy).

A few months went by; I was off my little drug cocktail, had started working out at the gym again (very slowly with well planned routines).  I started thinking more about what I had put my body through- the fast food stops, the super size energy drinks, the stress, and the medication. Once the effects of the prescriptions wore off, the feeling of being a walking toxic waste dump really grew on me. In October of 2008, I was terminated from my marketing position for not bringing in the numbers (I was told I was just not mean enough and there were no open positions for me to transfer into).  At first I was devastated, but after a week saw my chance to start over as a blessing in disguise. And so, that January I started working for a local natural food store, and my life changed once more.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."

I had already started paying more attention to what I was eating. I had started making my own food instead of going out to get it.  It took more time to do, but there is something about being involved in making what I was going to eat that brought my mind and body together. I was starting to feel a greater sense of harmony and balance, and more importantly I was starting to feel less animosity towards my self.  While I was working for the natural food store, I learned more about eating healthy foods, about how important it is to read the labels and to know where your food comes from. I felt like I had been completely miseducated about food up to that point. As a kid, I remember we didn't keep table salt around- it was only used while the food was cooking, but never as seasoning on the table. We didn't eat a lot of red meat, and we always had skim milk. I had always considered my family a healthy family; we didn't overeat and our diets were mostly well balanced. Overall, I felt like I had a healthy attitude towards food.

In the months that followed after beginning my new part-time job, I absorbed information about food and eating well.  I wanted to cleanse my body from all I had put into it, and I felt like I had the means to do so. So, I learned about label reading. I learned about organics versus conventional food. I learned about local versus supermarket suppliers.  I learned about different food movements- like vegetarian, vegan, raw, and gluten free. I learned cooking could be fun, and not a chore. And I learned that living in harmony with my body was so much better than trying to tame it and beating it down with medication. (NOTE: This is NOT the case for everyone, consult your physician about your pain medication and ways to manage your pain. I am only speaking from experience.)

I tried different dietary options, the most challenging being the raw foods diet, which I still want to do, but need to really focus on how it works (its especially tough if you have children). The one thing I have been able to stick to the longest and that helps the most is eating an almost exclusive organic diet. There are some things we don't buy organic because of the cost; rice for example is a staple in our home, and to buy organic brown rice would really break the bank, but we never buy "instant" rice.

If you decide to explore different diet options to help manage your pain, I recommend consulting with your physician and maybe even a nutritionist. Here are some things I have tried, reflected on, and might be an option for you.

Organic Food 

It may seem costly at first, or maybe you don't have access to organic foods (I know some small town grocery stores have a limited selection), but organic foods have become a key player in my pain management.  When I kicked processed food to the curb, and went organic, I not only started losing weight immediately, but I felt better just as quickly. Over time, my body has adjusted to the organic lifestyle, and I can tell when I'm eating organic and when I am not. The more I read labels on food packaging, the more I didn't like what I saw.  If you have never read the label on your food before start wit

Perspective: Sharing Words of Wisdom

Mind Deep: Loosening Mind's Bad Habits

Today my mom sent me a link to a wonderful blog she follows, after we had talked last night about relaxation practices. I told her I was blogging, what I was blogging about it, and what direction I want to go with my blog.  Last night it all made sense to me, as it had before I started blogging- my reasons for writing and sharing- and then today I was reading some amazing posts and information from the National Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Association, and I realized I am not doing enough to manage my own pain, not in the way I think I should. It shook me a little; how can I share my experiences if I'm not even really taking care of myself the way I should be or even could be. 

Only after I had opened the message from my mom did I realize I can't let negativity become rooted in my mind. My personal negative thinking was (and still is in some respects), feeds on itself and I am guilty of letting it.  I am now following the Mind Deep blog, and recommend that you check it out. Here is the post my mom shared: Mind Deep: Loosening Mind's Bad Habits. 

Oh Sleep, Sweet Sleep

Sleep. I know I am not the only one that loves it, that even thrives from it. Sleep becomes a different experience and an overwhelming necessity when you have Fibromyalgia. There are many aspects to keeping healthy when living with FMS, not all of which are easy to do for anyone, including restful sleep and healthy sleep habits.  I found that sleep seems to be the most common problem and cure when coping with my Fibromyalgia symptoms.  There is of course the obvious issue of lack of sleep that seems to increase pain symptoms or at least becomes the catalyst for increased pain; but I have also found that there is an emotional side-effect of getting too much sleep (which I hope to have as a topic of another post). Be for warned, this is a long post.

Short wicks, Long hours

I used to burn the candles at both ends, especially when I was in college, and  I was really good at it too.  I remember there were days I would get up around 8 in the morning (which is pretty good by some college student standards), I would go to my classes, get a cup of coffee here and there, and maybe hit the library when I needed to.  I had a lot of papers to write because of my field of study, and found myself getting hyper-focused on my assignments. This system really worked for me; I needed the adrenaline rush of an approaching due date to plug through my papers. I rarely hit a wall in my writing, and when I did, there was always a walk to get coffee, smoke a cigarette (yes, I was a smoker- don't judge me!), and get back to it. There were nights I stayed up till 2:30 in the morning working on my assignments, but I had a sort of high of doing things that way. Before I go any further, let me just emphasize that this is NOT HEALTHY. So after a few nights in a row of working the way I did, I would hit the bar with my friends, have a few drinks, and stay until last call. I figured I worked hard, so I was going to play hard. And I did.

I found that after a few months of my not so healthy, inadvisable system, that I would get sick. It wasn't ever anything in particular, just a reoccurring case of tonsillitis. I never really stopped to think about the consequences of my sleep cycle or lack thereof.  Whenever I was sick, I would just allow myself to curl up in my bed and sleep for long lengths, stuff myself with green tea, vitamin C, and on some occasions an anti-biotic (which of course does nothing for a viral cold). I could sleep for what felt like days before I was better, only getting up to go to the bathroom and if well enough, my classes (again, don't judge me, I knew I wasn't contagious).

Even after college, there were occasions I would continue the cycle of staying up too late, getting up too early, doing too much during the week (I worked two jobs for almost 4 years), and rewarding myself by staying out late on the weekends. It did finally catch up to me though. In 2006, I had to have my tonsils removed because of the reoccurring tonsillitis. And, then in 2007 I was diagnosed with Fibro.

After my diagnosis it seemed like I could never get enough sleep. It still feels that way more often than I care to admit, but I know those around me probably get the sense I'm never well rested. The candle, I should say refuses to burn on both ends now.

The Human Body as a Living Battery

When I understood how my body works and how it works with the Fibromyalgia, things just made more sense, but it blew my mind how interconnected things are when it comes to our bodies.  I want to explain what it means to be constantly exhausted, no matter how much sleep I get.  So here it goes: picture your body like a rechargeable battery.  When you sleep, your battery is recharging with energy while your body is also healing and preparing for a new day. Ideally, when you get the recommended healthy, amount of sleep (I think for adults it ranges from 6-8, but please consult your physician, it is different for everyone) you wake feeling refreshed and ready to start your day, your body is prepared to fight off various ailments, and your sense of well-being is overall much better. When your battery is 100%, you feel 100%. When your battery is at 80% (or lower), you feel exactly that- 80%.

When you have Fibromyalgia, your battery doesn't recharge all the time or all the way, or it doesn't feel like you've recharged all the way. For me, I need at least a solid 8 hours of uninterrupted, blissful sleep. I need the type of sleep where all the lights are off, there isn't any extraneous sounds, the temperature isn't too hot or too cold, and my back and neck are well supported. Even under the most ideal circumstances, there are still nights I feel like I am tossing and turning, and I wake up feeling like I needed at least 2 more hours of sleep. Those are the good nights. On bad nights, I wake every couple of hours. 

Recharge, Refresh, and Rejuvenate

With all the variables that effect my sleep cycle, I think it's important to focus on what really matters: how to get a good night's rest when you have Fibromyalgia. Here are some things I have tried and that have worked for me, but I recommend that if you have persistent sleep problems, whether you have Fibromyalgia or not, you should contact your primary care physician. 

Do not burn the candle at both ends! 

This would seem like an obvious factor, but I know for me there are times I don't even know that I'm doing it.  Take some time each day to think about what time you get up in the morning, what activities you do during the day, and what time you usually go to bed.  Think about how you feel not just the next day, but the whole week, after you've stayed up late and gotten up early. If it helps, keep a journal.  There are some amazing apps out there for smartphones (including one I am trying for pain management, which I hope to report on at the end of the month). We all have busy lives, and it seems like there are "24 usable hours in a day" (a line from an old favorite Empire Records), but cramming each hour with something to do, and keeping a tight, back to back schedule is a good way to let your time get out of your control. Remember that you need to focus on you, as much as you need to focus on the other things that occupy your life.  You can't adequately accomplish all of the things you want to do if you aren't well rested.

Listen to your Body

It may sound crazy, but if you listen closely your body is telling you what you need. When you are so tired that you can hardly stand, you need to take a break; stop what you are doing and give yourself a few minutes to become centered, focused on your body, and relax.  If you are at home, and can take a short nap, listen to your body, a nap might be what you need. I find that there are times when I don't want to nap because I'm afraid that I will miss something, but I also have to be aware that if the desire to nap is so strong that I can't ignore it, that is a good indication that napping is exactly what my body needs. Remember you are only human, and if your battery isn't charging, you need to do what you can to keep what energy you do have going. 

Natural and home sleep remedies

This is where I remind everyone that I am not a doctor. I have no medical training. I only have the knowledge I've gained from my own experience and the steps I've taken to gain that knowledge.  I have found that when I feel like I'm about to have a Fibromyalgia flare, and I know I need more rest, a natural approach is what works best for me. 
First of all, I put aside anything that I'm doing- it can wait, my health is important to me. More often than not, the first thing I do is to take a melatonin tab. I use a melatonin lozenge that is made locally and dissolves on my tongue.  Most drug stores carry melatonin supplements in their vitamin section.  If your city/town has a local, natural food store, I would check there first because those types of stores focus on keeping vitamins and supplements as natural as possible. It has been my experience that one night of taking a melatonin often sets my schedule back on track; my sleep is uninterrupted, and I feel more energized in the morning. Sometimes though, it takes more than 1 night of good rest.  If this is the case, I do not take the lozenges for more than 3 days consecutively.  
If on the second day my sleep has not improved, I will add a warm bath with Epsoms salt and a couple of drops of lavender essential oil, followed by lavender lotion before I crawl into bed.  Epsoms salt can be used to help relax sore muscles and can be found very inexpensively at your local grocery store or pharmacy. Lavender is often used to help with relaxation and as an anti-inflammatory. Lavender essential oil can be purchased at most natural food stores and even online. Some major grocery and pharmacy chains also carry lavender Epsoms salt, so you do not need to buy both.  Because I use both independently of the other (I make my own Lavender Salve, which I will of course share the recipe for), I did purchase each.  If I remember correctly, the lavender oil was around $9 for a bottle, which seemed a little steep but a little goes a long way and I have had my bottle for almost 2 years and have not run out yet. 

Relaxation Practices

Here is where I may lose some of you, but I want to be honest and let you know what has helped me.  When I find I can't sleep and it is not due to overwhelming pain, and my mind will not shut off for the night, I find a relaxation practices help.  Relaxation practices can mean different things to different people.  Practices can include an evening stroll- not some extraneous, calorie burning, sweat inducing walk- just a casual evening stroll with a leisurely pace.  When I go on these walks (which I need to more than I have been), I go with my husband, our 3 kids, and our 2 dogs. The troops can be hard to rally, but they all enjoy the time outside once all is said and done. It gives us a chance to be away from cell phones, away from the household "to do list", and away from the TV.  Where we live, it is quiet, but even in the city peace can be found on a walk.  When we walk, there are times my husband and I just listen; we listen to our children talk about their day, their thoughts, and what matters to them.  This is surprisingly peaceful, and I think it has more to do with hearing about their lives and what their thoughts about the world are. In the summertime, I love listening to all the bugs, frogs, and sometimes birds.  The crickets remind me of my childhood in Maryland, and I always find that relaxing.  
When I can, I try to practice yoga.  There is something about focusing your body on balancing in yoga poses that helps me find my center.  I still consider myself a beginner at yoga and it is okay to feel uncomfortable when you first start practicing yoga; it is not something that we all learn at a young age, and the movements and poses may seem unnatural at first.  Most of the poses I do involve focusing on my breathing, usually in a seated or standing position.  There are some wonderful poses that help loosen tension in your back and neck. If you aren't sure where to start with yoga, and you think it may work for you, look for beginner DVD's online that emphasize on evening practices to help calm you. 
Reading is a long time favorite past-time of mine, and I rarely get to read for pleasure anymore (this WILL change once I am finished with my Master's).  I had the chance to read The Hunger Games series this last month, and I really enjoyed it.  The novels were an easy read, but what was more important was that I slowed down, found a comfy place on the couch to read, and was able to relax while doing so.  Reading is a simple pleasure that helps us to slow our pace, and takes to a place of calm and imagination. 
Finally, when I am really stressed out and need to chill (be it at night or during the day), and nothing else seems to work, I meditate.  I don't sing "om" to myself or burn incense (all the time), but I find a comfortable spot to sit (inside or out), I close my eyes, and I slowly describe to myself the most relaxing place I can think of.  Usually, I take myself to the same place: a small, cool stream that runs through an old forest.  I picture the color of the leaves, the roughness of the bark, how the sun is shinning through the treetops, what sounds I might here, the coolness of the water when it touches my finger tips.  I picture myself sitting on a flat rock by the water and I let the sun warm my face, and my finger tips graze the stream. I tell myself about the breeze the wrestles the leaves, and sings around my skin. I let myself go in this place; it is my favorite place and I have never been there physically. Everyone is different, and this may not be the place for you; perhaps you are at peace on the beach by the ocean, or in a meadow under a tree.  Even if you have never thought of a place to "go" when you need some peace, this is an excellent practice for centering yourself and it works your imagination as you describe to yourself this place that brings your internal peace. 




I know how difficult it can be to find a system of sleep that works best, whether you have Fibro or not.  I know that sleep plays a major factor in how well I feel and the severity of my symptoms. Gaining control of your sleep cycle and sleep habits is just one step in helping to manage and cope with the physical pain that is associated with Fibromyalgia.  When you find a method of recharging your batteries and maximizing the amount and kind of sleep you get, your able to better to manage not only your pain symptoms, but your everyday life.  Big tasks don't seem so overwhelming, and as you are better able to care for yourself, you are better able to accomplish your goals, strike out those "to do's", and mostly, to care for others.  Always listen to your body- it is telling you what you need most. 

Departure: The end of one journey, and the start of another

I have moved and traveled for the majority of my short life. I was born in Texas and moved to Kentucky, Virginia, and Maryland before I reached my freshman year of high school. At the end of my sophomore year, my mom moved to Montreal, where I lived with her for a year before moving back to Maryland to live with my dad for my senior year of high school. After graduation, I wanted to move back north, and found myself in the Eastern Townships of Quebec for 4 years of college. In college, I moved from campus, to an off-campus apartment, and then back to campus again. During that time, my dad and step-mom moved to Indiana to care for their aging relatives, where I joined them after graduating. I am no stranger to moving, relocating, and starting over, and have always considered myself able to adapt to new things in my life with ease. I dreamed of living and working in Paris or London, enticed by the idea of big city living, in foreign places; I day dreamed about holidays spent in traveling through Europe, possibly going to Southeast Asia and all points beyond. There were no limits to where my imagination could take me, no journey I wouldn't embark on if given the opportunity; I knew where my roots were, but I wanted to see how far my wings could take me. 

It was 2007, and I was waking up for work. My alarm had gone off, and I had just begun to open my eyes to the sunshine that had flooded my apartment. It was almost summer, and already getting warm inside and out of my one-bedroom. I had the brief flickering thought that I was possibly late for work, and as the panic set in I realized I would never forget this morning. I thought I was going to scream, but I wasn't sure that would really resolve the intense pain I was feeling. It didn't take long for me to realize the cause of my intense discomfort; my arms were crossed tightly across my body, my hands were clenched into fists and locked shut, my jaw was locked closed, and my legs were bent at my knees. I felt like my body was a discarded, crumpled piece of paper. I'm not sure how I managed to come untangled. I'm not even sure now how long it took, but it felt like hours before I could put my feet on the floor and drag myself to my shower.

The next few hours are fuzzy, a now common occurrence in my life. I remember driving to work almost two hours late, explaining to my boss over the phone the intense pain I was feeling. I remember my tears were hot streaming down my face, and I was grateful for the flexibility in our office- I was wearing jeans and no make-up. I remember turning around when I was almost to work, convinced by my boss to call my doctor, stay home for the day, and rest. I remember the short burst of relief I felt when my doctor managed to fit me in that day, but my pain was still there. My doctor was able to give me a two week script for a pain killer, enough to get me by until I could see one of the three arthritis doctors she referred me to. When I asked what was wrong with me, she replied "It could be one of three things: rheumatoid arthritis, Lupus, or Fibromyalgia." None of my options sounded too good.

In between doctors’ visits, blood work, reading up on all three of my potential diagnoses, and waiting at the pharmacy for whatever remedies that could be supplied; I knew my life was changing. I felt like I was on a merry-go-round of emotions, contemplating my own mortality, doubting my sanity, and blaming myself and my actions for what I was going through (I thought my experience was part of some cosmic, universal punishment; my karmic fruit if you will). A few weeks later, my diagnosis was confirmed by a rheumatologist: Fibromylagia was the big winner.

That was the day I began my journey into something I knew nothing about- chronic pain. That was almost 5 years ago. I was 24.